Catch up, it's been a while...

Okay, I've been meaning to write a catch up piece on here to let everyone what's going on for a couple of weeks. Here goes... A couple of days after I posted the last entry I was in the depths of dispare re my situation, my mouth was a mess, I was in a lot of pain and I'd been issued with a pain driver, this is a syringe held with in a locked plastic box that would administer pain medication over a 24 hr period via yet another line that went into my arm. Not only did this serve as yet another reminder of how I'll I am, but it also made it very difficult to perform basic tasks like showering or going to the toilet due the fact that it has to be carried with one hand at all times. It was also suggested that following on from my very last treatment that I spend a few days in a hospice in St Austell. I went along with this, but I quickly realised that for me it was a really counter productive situation. I was missing home and family far to much to sat in this little room string out of the window at a bird table. I asked to be released and my request was met. I was home after four days, feeling much happier and more ready to heal. A short time after I got back home the pain drive was removed and all of a sudden I began making huge improvements. My mouth began to heal and my saliva changed from he thick chewy green rope to a lighter foam that seemed to keep my whole mouth moist... I sundendly felt as though I'd turned a corner. I spent the following days up and about playing with the kids and enjoying visits from freinds, it was great. A few i as days later I seemed to crash and ended up back in bed just wiped out. I still felt things were improving with my mouth,sense of taste and smell, but I just couldn't get up out of bed. This went on for several days until the situation final started to get a little better, although im yet to return to feeling as good as I did over that short period. This is the main reason I've not been keeping up with the blog, I've just been spending days and days sleeping. During this time I have started to get very hungry. I've been eating a liquid diet throug my feeding tube that was a hit and miss affair at best. By that I mean whether or not I manage to keep the thousand calories a day in my body with out being sick. There just seems to be something about either the process or the feed itself that keeps making me sick. This has lead to me loosing a lot of weight very quickly. In fact just under three stone so far. The docs aren't too worried, but have said that if I loose anymore I will have to be admitted and given IV feed. As my sense of smell has started to come back being around food has been like torture. I sat with everyone while they ate Sunday lunch the other day, it was hard work. The pain in my throat has subsided enough to take small sips of water which has had me thinking that maybe I could get away with eating small amounts of soft food. I made the mistake of trying to eat some raspberry sorbet. While the cold of the sorbet was fine the citrus flavouring was like hot acid in my mouth! It really knocked any confidence I had in my ability to eat solid food and I slid back into the easier opion of feeding through my tube....so my days at the momment are consumed with a rotation of trying to consume four lots of feed and forr lots of medication through the feed tube in my stomach. It's a dismal affair, especially for Bethan who is having to put all this together every few hours!