Out of the frying pan...

It's been a very uninterested weeks or so since my meeting with the speech therapist. Following the sucsess of that meeting I returned home all fired up and ready to begin eating agian. I began that tea time with some mashed potato... It was terrible! I set about trying to eat it with a tea spoon due to the fact that my mouth will only open so wide. As soon as the food entered my mouth it starrted to burn the roof of my mouth. Not because the food was hot, but due to the sensitivity of the the healing skin and lack of saliva. I moved on and trying a little rice pudding, it was a similar reaction so I left my eating project for that evening and thought I would begin again tommorow. I woke late the following morning after a very restless night. Bethan had taken the kids over to Truro so i had the place to myself. I was hungry and really wanted to eat. I was scouring through the cupboards trying to think of something that wouldnt set my mouth alight. A kids size box of Cherios with loads of milk was the answer. I sat in the living room and began slowly eating the whole bowl... Sucsess! I'd managed to find a type of food that I could eat with out being in total agony. This process of trial and error carried on for a few more days and was accompanied by me drinking my milkshakes rather than putting them through my stomach tube as a way of getting a stable daily calorie intake. I would mix the shake with ice and semi-skimmed milk to make it thinner and easier to drink. It worked, I could get them down despite taking a good half our to an hour to drink. A couple of days after beginning my food experiments I woke on the Monday morning and things had dramatically changed. My throat had swollen up and it had become almost impossible to swallow. I was in agony. We called out the local GP and he prescribed more pain medication and I made the decision to go back to tube feeding while things hopefully settled down.The week that followed was spent in bed feeling very low and weak. Most days were really bright and sunny, but I just felt as though bed was the best place for me. I was turning back into the 'chemo bear' just trying to sleep the illness off. It was a daily occurrence, but I couldn't help getting myself wound up about my situation. I was laying there torturing myself with all the possibilities that could arise if the Radiotherapy treatment hasn't worked. I haven't had any scans through out the treatment or since it has ended so there was no way of knowing. The question that was rattling around in my head was "after all the treatment do I still have cancer?", and no matter who I spoke to no one could give me that answer. I was finding this mindset impossible to get out of and it was causing me a lot of stress. My next clinc appointment was this coming Tuesday. This was a post treatment review that would ofer an overview of how everything has gone and how well the healing process was going. We arrived at the hospital and waited over an hour to be seen. When we finally got in the there we were greeted by all the heads of my department. After a brief run down of what medication I was on the specialist started applying a clear gel to small black device with a long thin rubber tube on it. I'd seen this before and knew it was going up my nose. She examined the air space behind my nose and looked right down the back of my throat and after examining my neck thourly for any further lumps of bumps with her hands she sat back down in her chair. I must have been sat there with a "well?" look on my face, I was hungry to know. She said that my neck still had some minor swelling, but was fine and the area behind my nose was looking "back to normal". I felt this huge weight lift off me as I was sat in the chair, I looked over at Bethan and I think we both did all we cold not to burst into tears. She went on to say that I have had an exceptionally good reaction to the treatment and that things were looking very positive. I realise that he scan could still show a deeper picture of the situation and there is still the possibility of it showing up further problems, but to me the news today couldnt be better. Its the next big positive foothold that we needed to help carry us through this. We retuned home and I think for the first time in a good while I could feel myself smiling. It finally feels as though we are the right side of the situation for once. Yes, the eating issue is a challenge , but it's something that is more under my control and I know will improve in time. So... four weeks until the scan which will hopefully confirm today's findings. We are both feeling really positive that we've got an important stage done.